Preparing a traditional Chinese funeral can feel overwhelming, particularly when the person who has died was one of the relatives who understood the customs best. Younger British-Chinese family members may suddenly find themselves arranging an altar, preparing offerings and organising religious ceremonies while grieving.
Customs vary according to ancestry, region, religion and family practice. Guidance from elders and an experienced Taoist or Buddhist minister should always take priority. The most important principle is not perfection, but sincerity: “As long as you have the heart”—只要你有心.
How to prepare for a traditional Chinese funeral
Begin with the family’s
own traditions.
A ceremony may be Taoist, Buddhist, Christian, secular or a combination of religious and regional practices. Arrangements can differ according to the deceased’s age, gender and position in the family, where the death occurred and whether burial or cremation is chosen.
Before purchasing ceremonial objects or confirming a programme, speak with the family’s elders and chosen minister. Everlay can coordinate the practical arrangements, while Hinzen’s traditional Chinese funeral team can advise on Taoist, Buddhist and family rites.
Preparing a Chinese funeral altar
A place for offerings,
prayer and remembrance.
The altar may include a photograph of the deceased, an incense burner, white candles, tea, rice wine, cooked rice, food, fruit, flowers and ceremonial paper items. A black-and-white portrait is traditional in many families, although a colour photograph may also be used.
Some traditions use one cup of tea and three cups of rice wine for a recently deceased person. The arrangement known as 三茶五酒—three teas and five wines—is associated with ancestors or deities in certain traditions. A minister should advise which is appropriate.
Food may be offered before the family eats, recognising the deceased as continuing to share in family life before burial. Some families reserve dedicated plates and bowls and do not later eat food offered to a recently deceased person.
Position and spiritual hierarchy
Where a home already has an ancestral or deity altar, the funeral altar may be placed lower and away from the same wall. This distinguishes offerings made to the recently deceased from those intended for established ancestors or deities.
Incense and fire safety
Some families maintain incense or candlelight until the funeral. Never leave flames unattended. Use stable heat-resistant holders, keep decorations clear, spread accumulated incense remains and use suitable flameless alternatives when continuous supervision is impossible. Joss paper should only be burned in a permitted place with appropriate fire precautions.
Preparing clothing and objects
Symbolic provisions for
the final journey.
Depending on family tradition, relatives may prepare a new outfit, personal belongings, jade or silver jewellery, satin cloth, a walking stick, symbolic food, a coin or an afterlife road ticket—路票.
A new outfit may represent a new beginning. Food can symbolise protection from hunger. Some families understand yellow or gold satin as daughters tucking a parent in and white satin lining as sons preparing the bed.
New items may be marked with incense, and pockets may be cut to represent leaving worldly fortune behind. Rules about using even or odd numbers vary and should be confirmed with the minister.
All coffin contents must be approved by the funeral director, cemetery or crematorium. Discuss any item intended for the mouth immediately, especially where embalming is planned.
The minister may also calculate an auspicious funeral date using the deceased’s birth and death dates and the Chinese almanac. This can guide the time of departure, order of rites and any birth years advised to avoid particular moments.
Chinese 49 days after death
Seven cycles of
prayer and remembrance.
Many Chinese traditions give importance to the first 49 days after death, divided into seven cycles of seven days. Families may perform prayers and offerings as the deceased continues a spiritual journey.
The first seventh day—首七 or 頭七—is often especially significant. In some traditions, the spirit is believed to return home. The family may prepare incense, candles, rice, ginger, salt, simple food, paper offerings and an afterlife road ticket. Buddhist chanting or Taoist prayers may accompany the welcome.
Later observances differ. Some families repeat rites on the second, third, fifth, sixth and final seventh days, omitting the fourth. Married daughters may lead a later observance, and a symbolic paper house may be prepared for the final cycle. This is one example rather than a universal programme.
The wake and funeral day
Respect, hierarchy and
the final separation.
At the wake, relatives and friends may offer incense, prayers, white or yellow flowers and condolence money in a white envelope. This money, sometimes called 白金—“white gold”—helps with funeral expenses. Monetary conventions differ between families.
Close relatives may wear hemp garments, white clothing, head coverings or coloured relationship markers. Guests are normally appropriately dressed in subdued black, white, grey or navy. Bright-red everyday clothing is generally avoided, although prescribed traditional mourning attire can include specific red elements.
On the funeral day, some households cover mirrors, religious statues and festive red decorations. Priests may prepare protective talismans. During coffin sealing, relatives may be instructed to turn away as the separation between living and deceased is marked.
The hearse may pause outside the family home for a symbolic final visit. Family hierarchy can determine the procession order, while relatives carry a portrait, memorial tablet, incense pot or ceremonial objects.
At burial, family members may add a handful of earth. At a crematorium, time, fire restrictions and coffin requirements affect what can take place, so longer rites may be completed at another venue first.
What happens after a Chinese funeral
Cleansing, gathering and
a safe return home.
Guests may receive a sweet and a small amount of money after the committal. Depending on family tradition, this may be presented in a red envelope or wrapped in white paper to wish attendees safety and separate them from the sadness of the funeral.
Some families return by a different route and hold a funeral banquet. Before entering home, mourners may wash with pomelo-leaf water—柚葉水—or complete another cleansing action. Any practice involving flame must be safely adapted.
Chinese 100 days of mourning
Continuing remembrance
in everyday life.
Some families observe formal mourning for 100 days from the date of death; others observe seven days, 49 days, one year or another period. Practices can include subdued clothing, quiet birthdays, postponing celebrations, avoiding haircuts, limiting visits and continuing incense or food offerings.
In one relationship system, children wear black cloth on the sleeve, grandchildren blue and great-grandchildren green. These markers are a modern adaptation of full mourning garments and are not universal.
Some relatives become vegetarian or vegan, donate to charity or perform compassionate acts and dedicate the merit to the deceased. Such practices provide spiritual meaning and give grieving relatives a positive expression of continuing love.
Tradition should support the family rather than create fear or guilt. If every rite cannot be performed, sincere love and respect remain at the heart of the farewell.
Frequently asked questions
Clear answers,
without assumptions.
Does every Chinese family follow these funeral customs?+
No. Practices vary according to ancestry, region, religion and family tradition. The family’s elders and ceremonial leader should guide the arrangements.
Must incense remain burning continuously?+
Some families follow this custom, but incense and candles must never be left unattended. A minister can suggest safer adaptations where continuous supervision is not possible.
What may be placed in a coffin?+
This depends on family tradition and the requirements of the funeral director, cemetery or crematorium. Discuss every proposed object before placing it in the coffin.
What happens during the first 49 days after death?+
Some families perform prayers and offerings during seven successive seven-day periods to support the deceased’s spiritual journey. The exact observances vary.
How long does a Chinese mourning period last?+
A family may observe seven, 49 or 100 days, one year or another period according to its own tradition.
What if we forget an important custom?+
Do not feel that you have failed. Customs can be adapted, and sincere love and respect remain at the heart of the funeral. Ask the family’s minister for guidance.
When you are ready
Begin with a
calm conversation.
You do not need to understand every tradition before asking for help. Tell us about your family, beliefs and wishes, and Everlay and Hinzen will explain and coordinate the appropriate arrangements.
Speak to the Everlay team →